


I Didn't Want You to Worry

by Sidekick_Theory



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Cutting, Depression, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-09-29
Packaged: 2018-07-14 04:34:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7153736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sidekick_Theory/pseuds/Sidekick_Theory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neymar spends half his time trying to hide his problems, because the last thing he wants to do is bother his friends. So when Luis steals one of Neymar's attempts at goal, everyone is surprised how he reacts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> *Trigger Warning: This story features suicidal thoughts and actions.*
> 
> This story starts after the Celta Vigo game where Leo set up the penalty pass to Neymar that Luis happened to score on instead. I have most of it written already, I just need to proof read and add the last chapter. I started writing this a long time ago (February to be exact) but I should also warn you that this is my first time writing this sort of thing so I don't know if you're going to like it. But I hope you do. Either way, thanks for reading.

It’s hard.

Sharing the same locker room with him is hard. Training by his side is hard. Just being in the same vicinity as him every single day is hard. 

But those difficulties don’t even come close to how hard it is to look in his eyes.

It’s become near impossible for him to stare into those eyes when only lies spew from his own mouth. He has to ignore his own feelings for the sake of the others, and that experience is something he wouldn’t wish on his worst enemy. 

It’s not how Neymar wants it, nor is it what he planned, but his love for Leo is fated. His love Leo has already been predetermined for centuries. This much Neymar knew had to be true. There is no other way the love he felt for Leo could be drawn from his own decisions; he’s never been too precise when it comes to those. But yet, here he is. Falling deeper in love with Leo with every passing day and showing no signs of stopping any time soon. It’s his destiny, and it has to be Leo’s too. ‘Leo has to love me eventually,’ Neymar argues with the world, because otherwise Neymar’s pretty sure he’ll go mad soon if he doesn’t. 

It’s to the point that Neymar doesn’t find anyone else remotely interesting. When he wakes up, all he can think of is Leo. When he gets ready for bed, all he thinks of is Leo. His thoughts of Leo even invade his dreams, but he doesn’t wish to remember how those turn out. 

Even now, after the innocent shit Leo just pulled with him by ruffling his hair as he passed, Neymar still watches Leo as he changes out of his sweaty clothes. Long sleeve shirt, then shoes and socks, then shorts. Then a towel is wrapped around his waist to conceal himself for a moment as he drops his underwear to go to the showers. Neymar doesn’t follow. He’s never been brave enough to share the same shower time with the little Argentinian, afraid of what his body might convey if he sees Leo exposed like that.

Instead of continuing to pathetically stare at the shower entrance, Neymar’s eyes travel across the room to see Luis admiring his hat trick ball. Neymar immediately begins to recount his fellow striker’s goals in his head. Luis’ first goal was deserved, Neymar contests, but the other two were stolen efforts that he did not create. The Uruguayan was just at right place at the right time for the opportunities. 

Neymar’s first chance at a goal, which would become Luis’ second, had been such a hard angle for himself. For him to get it to go across the goal line the way it did was the real beauty in Luis’ goal. At the time, Neymar didn’t cared that Luis ensured the goal, but now it crawled under Neymar’s skin in a way that only made him feel guilt and shame for wishing Luis hadn’t been there to make it. 

It’s the third goal that really makes Neymar’s teeth grind. The penalty, the beautiful, perfectly planned arrangement he and Leo had thought up was ruined by the Uruguayan. It’s Luis’ theft that wrecks Neymar’s mind. The pass was for Neymar, everyone knew it was for him and yet Luis had taken it away. Right in front of the Brazilian, too. Neymar knows his devastation is irrational, he knows that Luis had no choice in the end but to score, but it still frustrates him. And now, looking back on it and having a few minutes to calm his thoughts, Neymar knows it isn’t Luis that he’s mad at, but rather it’s Leo.

Luis could have taken away the goal from him a thousand times and Neymar wouldn’t have cared if only Leo had just shown a little compassion for their plan fucking up. All he got in the end was a shrug of the shoulders from the Argentinian and a cute little smile that sarcastically explained Leo’s expression of the whole predicament as ‘Whoops’. It is a harsh reality that Neymar struggles to accept. A reality in which Leo didn’t care who he performed the trick with, as long as it worked, Leo would be satisfied. It could have been anyone, anyone on this team or the next, and as long as they scored a goal Leo didn’t care who you were.

Neymar told the press it was meant for him, but in the end it didn’t matter. In a few years from now when they talk about Leo’s greatest tricks, this goal will be nothing but an astonishing affair shared between friends, Luis and Leo. Neymar’s claim won’t be remembered by then. His beautiful plan will just become another way Leo and Luis strengthened their friendship. 

Like they even needed another one. 

But really the goal means nothing in retrospect. It’s just an occurrence for Neymar to focus on and mull over. It’s just another time he felt left out of the greatest trio that the game has ever seen, which already happened often enough. It’s not like he could let it discourage him either. Neymar has a role to play on their team, and before he even got to decide what that was, he got pushed into being the pushover, the team’s consistent component that never gets upset. Sure, on the pitch he fights and whines, but in the locker room and outside of the game he’s not allowed to voice his opinions and concerns about his involvement on the team. So, Leo and Luis were allowed to do whatever they want with each other, excluding Neymar constantly and not worrying about the consequences because Neymar isn’t allowed to get mad about that stuff. Neymar isn’t allowed to tell them that he is upset.

If he brought up an issue now with the other two, he could wreck the chemistry they have on the pitch. He knows that he’s not allowed to trouble the big stars, and demanding more time with them would do just that. No one wants to change their lives, not really, and by making the other two include him more would only cause disruption in their lives. They would eventually begin to resent him for his neediness, so Neymar refrained from sharing his feelings. 

It’s hard not being able to tell your supposed closet friends your true feelings. Like now, Neymar can’t go and tell Leo that it upsets him that Luis took the goal, because all he would hear is the same lines over and over, ‘It’s not his fault he was there,’ ‘You should be happy your friend scored,’ or ‘Don’t be greedy, Ney.’

And he doesn’t want to be, that’s not his intention. The goal is a goal, and it was nice to see his plan work, but his plan included Leo, not Luis. The plan was only made in the first place because it was supposed to bring back the effortless chemistry the smaller two had on the pitch before Luis Suarez was even a name on their clubs mind. 

It wasn’t like he and Leo had lost all their chemistry, but Neymar knows that that is only because he works ten times harder than he ever had to before to keep it from fading. What hurts the worst is the fact that Leo doesn’t even seem to notice Neymar bends over backwards to keep their partnership alive. He doesn’t notice the extra weight Neymar carries to keep their connection a reality at all.

He contemplates stopping his efforts altogether sometimes, letting the other two know what it feels like to work so hard at something and receive nothing in return. Every time he imagines it, though, it always ends in his destruction. The two end up blaming him for lack of effort without realizing he’s hurting. The two will blame him for not trying when really he’s been trying the hardest out of both of them combined. Disappointing the two prominent strikers is his worst fear, so doing anything to irritate them makes Neymar cringe. 

Neymar sits down heavily on the bench, and rubs at his face with a towel. He stares forlornly at the wall in front of him, lost in thought about the depressing world crushing around him. And then, all too soon like it does nowadays, he begins to feel his heart beat pick up rapidly. Pins and needles prick his skin all over as he begins to tremble. He rubs at his thighs in panic as he thinks ‘God, not now, not here’.

The anxiety attacks have gotten worse since his fears about his place on the team started invading his mind. All he can do is try to focus on the wall of front of him, stilling his breathing to light hiccups instead of heavy panting. He feels the world slip from his grasp as he shuts his eyes instinctively to block out the impending, overwhelming fear that surges through him. He worsens the attack by worrying about the reactions of his teammates when they look over and see him like this. Their judgmental eyes will sweep over him quickly with little bother, questioning why the Boy Wonder always has to be such a drama queen. 

Neymar breaks out into another sweat as those grim thoughts overtake his focus. They leave him feeling dizzy with disgust as he reaches out to grasp at his locker. His hand finds something warm instead and within seconds Dani is filling his hazy eyesight.

“Hey Ney, what’s wrong? Just breathe, okay? C’mon buddy, focus.” Neymar desperately tries to concentrate on Dani’s voice, but his vision gets more and more fuzzy. 

Off to the side of Neymar, Geri rushes over to see what’s going on. He pulls Neymar’s other hand away from where it’s grasping the bench and rubs his back soothingly. “Dani I think he’s having a panic attack.”

“Of course he is, you imbecile!” Dani exclaims.

“Everybody stop yelling, you’re going to frighten him more,” Andres calmly declares, pushing his way to stand directly in front of Neymar. “Neymar just listen to me okay, breathe in… breathe out. In… out.”

“Andres it’s not working!” Geri blurts out worriedly. Dani shoots him a death glare as Neymar continues to hyperventilate in the middle of the locker room. Most of the people in the room watch helplessly as Neymar falls deeper out of control. 

Subsequently, Sergio walks out of the shower room followed by Leo. Upon seeing the group conjugated around Neymar, Sergio immediately takes off towards them, securing the towel tightly around his waist. 

Pushing Geri out of the way, Sergio asks, “How long ago did this start?” 

“About two minutes or so,” Dani quickly answers. 

Sergio nods his head at him, eyes wide but completely poised as he says to Neymar, “Okay Ney, now I want you to look at me.” Neymar’s eyes filter across Sergio’s face for only a second before they snap shut. “No, c’mon you have to focus. Look at me. Okay, now think happy thoughts. Forget everything else and only think of things that make you happy.”

And dammit if Neymar’s brain doesn’t go straight to Leo’s smile. Desperately, Neymar tries to cling to that imagine alone, but the overwhelming pressure of everyone’s eyes derails him again. He feels sweat roll down the side of face at increasing rates and his hands begin to tremble even more. To make matters worse, Luis and Leo finally walk over to see what’s going on. Abruptly, Neymar squeezes Dani’s hand and leans into him. He shuts his eyes and desperately focuses on his breathing. 

He doesn’t want the two eldest strikers to see him like this. 

Sergio whispers words of encouragement throughout, specifically about how it’ll all be over in a minute. True to Sergio’s word, Neymar feels the overwhelming sensations cease, and his breathing returns to a dull pant. He slowly opens his eyes to see all of his teammate’s worried faces. Sergio is the only one smiling, looking at him like he’s a little kid that finally did something right. The look for once doesn’t disturb Neymar like it usually does, instead it fills him with a sense of pride for being able to finally pull himself together in front of all this attention. 

Neymar doesn’t look up to see his fellow strikers’ expressions. He’s not sure which look he liked to see on them. Worry, because he secretly wants them to realize that there’s definitely something going on with him. Or indifference, because he doesn’t want to see that he’s annoying them with his problems. It was long ago that he stopped coming to Luis and Leo with his concerns. It may have taken him a few months, but the second he heard that Leo called Neymar bothersome to Luis after he came to him with one of his more trivial problems, he stopped talking to them about anything heavier than a discussion about his new hairstyle. It wasn’t worth it to see Leo’s irritated face every time he expressed his worries to him or watch Luis roll his eyes when he would complain about something. Neymar knew Leo wasn’t a man of many words, and he knew Luis would usually voice his distaste, but he had spent a long enough time staring at them to be able to read their faces. 

Slowly the group around him starts to separate. Neymar feels them pat his back encouragingly. As far as Neymar’s concerned, Sergio and Dani are the only ones to stick around. He waits for them to settle next to him on the bench before he starts to speak.

“I’m sorry guys, really. I don’t know what came over me, but I’m fine now. It was nothing.”

“Neymar,” Dani begins. “How do you expect us to believe that? Has this happened before?” When Neymar doesn’t answer, Dani continues to interrogate him. “How long has this been going on?” 

Neymar nervously looks around the room, not meeting his eyes. He starts to play with his hair insistently, pulls getting harder each second. Terrifyingly, he feels his body start to shake again.

Immediately, Sergio jumps in to grab his hands. “Hey Ney, it’s okay. You don’t have to answer. Just breathe, okay. We’re just worried about you, that’s all. We want to help.”

Neymar nods silently with his eyes closed. He calms down enough to answer in a small voice, “About three months.”

“Three months, Ney! Why didn’t you t-” With a shake of Sergio’s head, everyone shuts up. 

Then with a sigh, Sergio asks in a much calmer voice, “Why didn’t you say something?”

Abruptly, Neymar stands up from the bench. He waits a second for the darkness to fade from his vision to answer, “Because it’s not a big deal. I can handle it. They’ve been much less frequent recently. Today just caught me by surprise. Seriously, I’m fine. Don’t worry about it.” Then picking up his towel, Neymar starts walking away, saying, “I’m just going to take a shower. The cold water should make me feel better.” 

If anyone realized that Neymar ignored the other two voices of concern throughout the entire conversation, no one says anything.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at me, I'm actually early for once. I hope you like this one, too.

The cold water does wonders to cure Neymar’s mood, so when he returns home later, he’s in a decent mood. That is until he notices Luis’ car parked in his driveway. 

After parking his car in his garage, Neymar walks back out around to his porch to find not only Luis sitting there, but also Leo. Neymar’s only mad at himself for expecting Luis to do something on his own. Of course he would bring his best friend along to talk to Neymar, and of course they would carpool there with zero regard for Neymar’s feelings. 

As he approaches them, they both stand up to greet him.

“Hey Ney, how are you feeling?” Luis asks.

“Hey,” Leo simply says.

Neymar sighs, running his fingers through his hair tiredly. He was looking forward to coming home alone and not worrying about faking his outwardly expressions of happiness to fool his teammates. All he wants to do is go upstairs, watch some T.V., and not think about the game today. But with Luis and Leo there now, he has to fake being fine again for the sake of their mood. He’s not sure how much longer he can keep this up.

Smiling now, he answers, “Hey guys, I’m fine. What are you doing here?”

“We just wanted to check up on you, see how you were doing,” Leo responds too brightly.

Luis adds in the same bright tone, “Yeah, we just wanted to make sure you were okay after your panic attack and everything.” Leo quickly shoots Luis a death glare and elbows him in the side. Neymar thinks it’s just like Luis to be so stupidly honest like that, but the thought makes him more amused than anything. “I mean… we just wanted to see if you wanted to hang out, play some FIFA maybe?”

Neymar stands there awkwardly for a second weighing his options. On one hand, he would love to tell them to leave, say that he’s too tired to hang out. On the other hand, he doesn’t want to give them anymore reason to worry. The last thing he needs is for them to be mad at him because they came all this way to see him, only to be turned down. (Secretly though, he does want to let them in. He wants to hang out with them as friends again, pretend that they’re not leaving him behind in the dust, but he knows he can’t let them break him like that.)

“Yeah of course, I would love to beat you guys in FIFA!” Neymar answers in fake excitement. It kills him how easily they accept this.

“Awesome, okay. Shall we then?” Luis asks, pointing at the door. Neymar nods and steps up to open his door. Upon entry, he is immediately bombarded by a ball of fur, hurdling his body at Neymar’s legs. He bends down happily to pet Poker behind his ears, his favorite spot. Sometimes, Neymar thinks that this dog is one of the only things that keeps him going. He has other friends, sure, and even if it’s a little tainted he still has football, but he doesn’t have anyone that relies on him like Poker. He doesn’t have anyone that truly needs him in their life, and even if he’s only 24, sometimes it feels like he never will. When you go so long as he has being alone, being so unwanted by the people you want most, you can’t help but feel like it will always be this way. 

After planting a kiss on Poker’s head, Neymar stands to address the other two in the room. “Do you guys want something to drink?”

“No,” they both answer quickly, shaking their heads.

“Okay, well you know where the PlayStation is. I’ll be there in a moment.” Quickly, Neymar sprints up the stairs to his bedroom. He strips off his clothes to change into much more comfortable jogger sweatpants and a long sleeve tee he’s worn a hundred times. He walks into his bathroom to throw some water on his face to calm himself down before he has to go back downstairs. Frighteningly, he notices that he left one of his razor blades laying on the counter. There’s a small pool of dried blood surrounding it from where he had to cut himself last night in the midst of his panic attack. 

He was lying to Sergio when he said he was getting better at controlling them. The truth was that he used pain to bring him to reality, something that he had perfected in the past three months since they started. He knew he wasn’t controlling them, rather he was just delaying them. But there was something satisfying in afflicting pain on himself, like it was almost cancelling out the pain he afflicts on his teammates every day when they have to deal with him. It’s an unhealthy strategy, but people would know if he started trying to drink himself to death. This way no one will question him, and he can keep faking his happiness in front of his friends knowing that he has a hidden outlet for his anxiety.

After quickly stashing the blade away and cleaning up the mess, he rushes over to his bed side table to grab his glasses. In his haste, he knocks over a bottle of sleeping pills sitting there. He picks them up quickly and continues on his mission to make it downstairs before Leo or Luis get annoyed. When he reaches the bottom of the stairs though, he finds them both waiting for him in the front hall, shoes and coats still. 

Neymar realizes as he comes to stand in front of them how foolish he was to think they were actually going to have a fun night hanging out together. They probably only came because the team decided that someone would have to check on him just to see that he got home okay. They probably only planned to stay for a minute, ask how he was doing, and leave with some excuse about other obligations they forgot they had. Then a thought that those excuses would be so that they could go hang out together, just the two of them, made the smile drop of Neymar’s face so fast it was like it was never there to begin with.

“Hey, uh, what’s up?” Neymar asks shakily, staring at the wall behind them, beside them, the floor.

Luis answers with a grim smile, “Sofia called me. She says that Benjamin isn’t feeling well. Look I’m really, really sorry but I have to go get him some medicine.” 

Neymar nods his head in understanding, staring pointedly at the ground. They probably don’t even care to realize how weird it is for someone to go someone else’s house uninvited only to leave after five minutes. Anger courses through his veins now, giving him the strength to look up sharply at Leo and ask, “And you?” 

Leo stares back at him in surprise, eyes wide in confusion. He glances nervously at Luis who just looks back at him with a smile before saying, “I, um, well Luis drove me here…” Upon seeing Neymar’s crestfallen face, though, Leo quickly remarks, “But I’ll stay if you want me to.”

Neymar rolls his eyes at Leo’s pathetic attempt to appease him. Leo phrases his statement like that so Neymar would feel like he had a choice in matter. He phrases it like that so Neymar couldn’t be upset when he left because technically he had the chance to ask him to stay. But of course, Leo would resent him if he asked him to stay, so without wasting too much of their time he responds, “No, no, you don’t have to do that. It’s not like I invited you anyway. It would make more sense if you went home with Luis of course. Tell Ben I hope he feels better.” Neymar smiles at himself for answering Leo so easily like all this really didn’t hurt him.

Then without waiting for their response, Neymar walks over to his door and opens it with a half-smile, leaning against the door nonchalantly. He pretends not to see the other two strikers share a look right in front of him, and instead he fakes a shiver from the night air to rush their intentions. 

“Actually,” Leo begins, still looking at Luis who seems to be motioning something with his eyes, “If you don’t mind Ney, I would like to stay.” Then looking back at Neymar with a smile, “We could have one of those sleepovers that you used to talk about all the time. What do you say?” 

Beneath the hot fire of embarrassment Neymar feels from his old optimistic self, he stubbornly feels his heart leap. He turns his face away from them, biting his lip in the hope that they don’t see his misplaced excitement. “No Leo, you don’t have to. There’s no need to inconvenience yourself like that. I’m fine, seriously, I don’t- you don’t need to stay with me.”

“No please Ney, it would be my pleasure.” Neymar knows that’s a lie, but he’s incapable of denying Leo any longer. He reluctantly nods in agreement, making Leo and Luis smile. 

“Okay well, I’m off then,” Luis cuts in, hugging Leo quickly. Then he walks over to Neymar and pulls him into a big hug. Neymar lets himself enjoy the hug while he can. Luis completely encases him with his body, wrapping his arms Neymar’s head. “I really am so sorry about this. I didn’t expect this to happen at all, but I promise you that we can do something later in the week to make up for it. I just feel awful for leaving you.” He can tell by the way Luis squeezes him as he talks that all he’s thinking about is his little episode in the locker room today. Neymar tries to hug him back convincingly, but he isn’t sure if he gets it across.

Leo and Neymar watch Luis walk down the path to his car. They exchange waves as he backs down the driveway. Then the two of them walk back inside to Neymar’s living room. Without Luis there, Leo only has Neymar to talk to, so he’s already at a loss for words.

“So-”

“Yeah-”

“FIFA-”

“Sure-”

Neymar walks over to turn the console on. He grabs two controllers, throwing one to Leo and then sitting beside him on the couch. They both start out playing as Barcelona home and away teams. They play in mostly silence except for when one of them severely messes up. Leo wins this game 2-1. Then they switch all the players around to totally different positions. They put each other in as goalies, and they laugh together as Neymar scores on Leo 4 times from the half field. 

“This is unfair!”

“How is this unfair?”

“My character isn’t equipped to play goal, of course you’re going to score from half field 4 times.”

“Well my character isn’t equipped either! Why don’t you try scoring from there?”

“Because Masche can’t score from anywhere in real life, how do you expect him to score from half field in a video game?” 

Neymar throws his head back with laughter. “I’m so telling him you said that!”

Leo looks over at him in mock fear. “Oh my God, you wouldn’t.”

“I would.”

“No Neymar please, you can’t do that. He’ll kill me!” Leo responds with a whine, moving to face Neymar head on. “I’ll do anything, please, just don’t tell him.”

“Hmm, I don’t know, you don’t sound very convincing,” Neymar teases, turning to lean back against the arm rest and face Leo. 

Leo raises his eyebrow at him. He crawls predatorily across the couch to loom over the smiling boy. “Are you sure you want to test me?”

Now at this point, Neymar isn’t sure what the hell Leo is playing at. There’s no other way to describe his mood than just weird. Leo’s not only being playful and fun, but he’s talking more than usual and smiling way more often. It’s a nice mood, Neymar decides, and he doesn’t wish for it to end, but he also knows that Leo’s acting differently because of Neymar’s faults. It’s nice to see Leo having fun like this, but Neymar knows it’s an act. Still, he’s wants to see how long Leo will keep it up.

Neymar decides to test it. “What if I am?”

Leo shakes his head. “That was the wrong answer,” he says. Then before Neymar can stop him, Leo hands shoot to his sides and immediately starts to tickle him. Neymar shouts in protest, laughing loudly against his own will. He squirms frantically, trying to dislodge Leo’s hands. Then he pushes at Leo’s face when he realizes he isn’t strong enough to pull Leo’s hands away.

“Leo please stop!”

“Not until you surrender!”

“Fine I surrender, I surrender! I won’t tell Masche, I promise!” Then as suddenly as Leo’s tickling started, it stops altogether. Neymar’s chest continues to move rapidly as he heaves in Leo’s face. His eyelashes flutter briefly as he calms down. He stares up at Leo openly, waiting for his next move. For a minute there, he forgets all that’s been going on recently. He forgets that he had a panic attack in front of the whole team today. He forgets that he shouldn’t be thinking about Leo the way that he does so often. And for that minute, he believes that Leo thinks those same thoughts, too.

But it’s only for a minute, for he can see Leo already mentally withdrawing. It’s as if Leo snaps out of it, realizes that he’s practically straddling Neymar and having too much fun. For Neymar’s sanity though, he slowly draws away from him, standing up next to the couch. He reaches his arms above his head in a stretch, and Neymar loses his breath when he sees a sliver of Leo’s white skin peek from beneath his shirt. 

Clearing his throat, Neymar sits up too. He looks around trying to find something to talk about when he hears Leo’s stomach grumble. “You’re hungry,” Neymar says dumbly. 

Leo gives him smile for that comment. “Yeah, just a little maybe.”

“Um okay, what do you want to eat? We could order in, because honestly I’m not sure if I have anything for a meal.”

“That’s okay, we don’t need to. I’m sure you have peanut butter, right? And jelly?” When Neymar nods his head, Leo continues, “Because childishly enough I have a weird craving for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich right now.”

“Are you serious?” Neymar asks in disbelief. 

“Yes I am,” Leo answers confidently.

For a second, just a brief, purely optimistic second, he remembers the two of them hanging out in this very house when Neymar had first moved in. He was just newly signed to the team, and as Barcelona’s resident star, Leo felt obligated to greet him there. He remembers only finding peanut butter, jelly, and bread in his kitchen to offer the Argentinian, which is what he accepted to eat as there first meal together. It’s a brief memory, one that passes before Neymar can decide to mention it or not. He doubts Leo remembers, so what would be the point?

Neymar bursts out laughing at him instead. “You’re telling me that the Lionel Messi wants a PB&J sandwich for dinner.”

“Yes I am,” Leo repeats.

“Okay then.” 

The two of them make the journey over to Neymar’s kitchen. Luckily, they find all the ingredients they need, and in less than 20 minutes they both finish two sandwiches each. 

Then, in a completely shocking moment that Neymar barely believes is real, Leo begins to talk after Neymar throws away their plates. “I remember the first time I was here.”

“Yeah?” Neymar questions, confused and anxious to see where Leo is going with this.

“I don’t know if you do, and I don’t know if I was craving them because of this memory or because I was hoping you’d remember it, but the first time I was here I remember eating PB&J sandwiches because that’s all you had to offer. It was a weird meal, not at all how I’d imagined the first time meeting you officially would go, but I remember being so endeared by it. Because even though you felt awful for only having that to offer me, you were still so confident about it. Like you were embarrassed, but you didn’t let it ruin our evening. And it was great for me because I didn’t feel like Lionel Messi, Neymar Jr.’s idol, I just felt like Leo, Neymar Jr.’s new teammate.” Neymar stares at Leo’s eyes in shock as he finishes, “It was really nice.”

It was nice, Neymar remembers, because after that day he finally felt sure that he had made the right decision coming to Barcelona. It may have been because after that day he was headed on a downward spiral towards falling in love with Leo, but it wasn’t something that he would ever want to change. Although nowadays he was in a constant state of anxiety, he knew that his life without Leo in it, in whatever shape of form that he is, would be a hell greater than he’s living in now. As embarrassing as that memory is for Neymar to remember how much he idolized Leo, it’s nice to know that he didn’t show that day. It’s nice to know that Leo’s first real memory of him was as wholesome as eating a PB&J sandwich.

“Really?” Neymar asks in astonished tone. “I never knew you felt that way.”

Leo smiles shyly at his the table. “That’s because I’m awful at talking about my emotions. I never… I never know what to say, and sometimes that can be for the worse. I’m sorry for that.”

“Why are you apologizing to me?”

Leo looks up at him sharply, right in his eyes. For a few seconds, they stare at each other. Leo opens his mouth a few times like he’s going to say something. But he never does, and it seems that the moment passes. 

“No reason. It’s nothing,” Leo ends up admitting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter should be up within the next two weeks.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I know I said that I was gonna post this like a few days ago but I kept getting interrupted while I edited it, so for that I am sorry. But here it is now. I just want to say that this was hard to write, and it's really sad. I do hope you like it, and thanks for reading.

Neymar takes notice of the time. It’s passed 10 o’clock at this point, and Leo’s yawning has become a constant interrupter. He doesn’t want Leo to go to sleep yet, but he also doesn’t want to annoy Leo by making him think he has to stay up longer to appease him.

“So, do you want to go to bed?” Neymar asks tentatively. 

Leo looks at him sharply, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “No, I’m good. Sorry if my yawns are annoying you, it’s a force of habit, but no, I’m good for at least another few hours.”

“No really Leo, you don’t have to. If you’re tired, we can just go to bed,” Neymar counters.

Leo shakes his head. “No Ney, I’m good, honest.” Then with a brief pause, Leo looks at him and continues, “How about this, though. I go upstairs and change into some of your pajamas, and you get the couches ready for us to sleep on. We can watch Netflix or something before we fall asleep, or we can just talk.” Neymar doesn’t like the way he emphasized the word ‘talk’ but he ignores that for now to nod to Leo’s ideas. “Ok good, what drawer are your pajamas in?”

“Um,” Neymar pauses. “Why don’t I just go get them for you?” 

“Because you have to set up the couches. Now just tell me where to look and I’ll find them.”

“Well actually, there should be a pile of clean shirts and sweatpants sitting on my chair upstairs. My room’s the first one on your left.”

“Okay, I’ll be back in a second.”

“Okay.”

Neymar watches as Leo turns and jogs up the stairs. Or really, he watches Leo’s ass bounce as he bounds away. Sighing at his own naïve thoughts, Neymar walks to his wash room to grab blankets and pillows for them to sleep with. As he’s walking back into the living room, he hears Leo calling to him from upstairs.

“Neymar, can you come here?”

Reluctantly, Neymar drops everything he’s holding on the couch and starts the trek up to his room. On his way, he tries to think of a reason why Leo would be calling him to come upstairs. After quickly shooting down all of his sexual thoughts, his mind goes back to his many worries. Did Leo find a bloody razor? Did he find the ripped letters from his family in the trash? Or did he ponder about the lack of trophies in his room and find them all stashed in the back of his closet? 

Whichever reason it ends up being, Neymar knows it isn’t going to be a good one. He stands outside his door trying to catch his breath before he faces Leo. Deciding that there’s no way he’s going to be able to catch his breath now since he hasn’t been able to catch it in weeks, Neymar opens the door and walks inside to find Leo sitting on his bed, looking down at something in his hand. Neymar realizes he’s holding his bottle of sleeping pills. 

Looking away from Leo, Neymar clears his throat to ask, “What are you doing with those?”

“I’m-” Leo starts to say. “I’m trying to understand.”

“Understand what?”

“You.”

Neymar looks over at Leo to see his staring at him, eyes piercing his skin with their intense gaze.

“What about me?” Neymar asks innocently, staring fixedly at his feet now. 

He hears Leo sigh from across the room. Unexpectedly, he glances up to see Leo walk over to the big picture of the two of them and Luis he has on the floor. (Neymar took it down a few weeks ago when he realized that every time he looked at the picture it made him sick. He didn’t have the heart to move it from his room, though.) Looking at the picture, Leo laments, “I just- how can the happiest person I know, a person that makes me laugh daily… How can he be so sad? Because that’s the reason for these, right? And the anxiety attacks. Because you’re- you’re not happy, am I right?”

The room falls silent as Neymar tries to think of something to say, something to reassure Leo that he’s just having trouble sleeping, not trouble living. But his mind goes blank when Leo turns around to stare him down, pinning him in place.

“What is it, Ney? Is it football? Relationship problems? Your family? What is it that’s making you so unhappy?”

Leo’s words only serve to make Neymar anger. For all of his suggestions of what could possibly be wrong with Neymar, Leo didn’t hypothesize that it could be him. He thought Leo was just being naïve about his destructive presence in his life, but he also thought that by now he would at least admit that maybe he’s the problem. But no, the great Lionel Messi is too good for that.

“Has it ever crossed your mind that maybe you’re the problem?” Neymar spits out.

Leo looks at him now with wide eyes. “What-”

“Did it ever cross your mind that maybe the reason for my unhappiness is our waning friendship? Hmm Messi, did you ever think of that?” Leo’s silence prompts Neymar to continue, “No, of course you didn’t. You’re Lionel fucking Messi, when have you ever made someone unhappy?” 

Leo looks at him with a surprised expression. He seems to choke on his own words as he pleads, “Neymar please, I-”

“Please what?”

Leo looks at him lost, trying to piece his words together. “Please, I- I didn’t know. I didn’t expect that. I-”

“What did you expect? What did you want to hear? Huh, Leo?” Neymar asks sarcastically, throwing his hands up in the air and pacing in front of the Argentinian. “Did you want to hear about my self-doubt? Did you want to hear about my vivid panic attacks when I find myself questioning my own worth? Did you want to hear that I’ve been- God- that I’ve been cutting myself? That I use the pain from razor blades to bring me back to reality. That I use them to satisfy myself with the knowledge that at least I’m getting the pain I deserve for the pain that I cause to everyone every day of my life? To you? Did you want to hear that I take sleeping pills because I can’t fall asleep properly knowing how much of a nuisance I am to the world? Huh, Leo? Did you really want to hear about that?”

Neymar pauses for a brief second to access Leo’s horrified reaction, but he’s said too much now to stop. Quieter, he says, “Did you want to hear about how every time that blade pierces me, every time it slices my skin in two, that I wish it’d go too deep? That I wish it would- God, not finish the job but- that it would do enough damage that I wouldn’t be able to play football anymore. That the blade would keep me from doing the one thing that I’m good at, and then the rest of the pain that that sport causes me would all go away.” 

Neymar can barely go on because he’s shaking so badly, but he finds the strength to continue because he needs Leo to understand, even if it’s just half the story. “No, you didn’t, because you don’t want to have to worry about me. You don’t want to have to hear another problem about the diva Boy Wonder. You just want me to be perfect like you. You want me to pretend that you and Luis aren’t leaving me behind, and you want me to keep up this act like we’re all one big, happy trident. You want me to perform for our job, keep up my happy persona to the media, and pretend like we like each other. Well sorry, it’s obvious to me that you don’t like me. And I’m sorry but it’s obvious that I’ll never be perfect. I’m sorry, but I can’t do it anymore, because I’m literally killing myself for you and you don’t even notice.”

At this point, Neymar can’t speak through his tears. Sobs and breathy pants overtake his speech before he can finish telling Leo what a failure he is. He feels his legs start to give out from under him, so he ungracefully stumbles back into the wall behind him. He unceremoniously slides to the floor, covering his face with his hands. 

He flinches when he feels Leo kneel beside him. He uncovers his face and leans his head against the wall to glare at him through his tears. “I’m in love with you. I’m sure you already know that, I’m so stupidly obvious about it. I’ve never been in love before, and I’ve never even thought of a guy in this context, but I’m sure I’m in love with you. I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life really, but what does that say about me since the guy I love constantly makes me question myself? That this guy treats me like a child he’s forced to deal with? What does it say about me that I want the one person who destroys me from the inside, out?” He asks brokenly, whimpers coming out of his mouth. 

Leo looks at him helplessly, reaching out to touch him, but then he takes his hand away at the last second. He sputters out, “Ney, I didn’t-”

“Don’t call me that,” Neymar quickly interrupts, looking straight forward and away from Leo.

“What?”

“Don’t call me ‘Ney’ like we’re friends or something. How can you stand to treat me the way that you do and still continue to lie to my face like this? You always used to say to the press that you were going to help me like Ronaldinho helped you, but I can’t recall a time that you actually cared enough to do that. What’s so wrong with me that made you never even follow through on your own words? What’s so wrong with me that you can’t even hang out as friends with me? Why do you go off with Luis every chance you get and just forget about me? I can- I can understand Luis because he’s newer and although we’re friends, he doesn’t owe me anything, but you? You and I were friends first. We were strikers together first, and you still treat me like burden. Leave my feelings of love aside and you can’t even treat me like a teammate sometimes. Why is that?”

Leo looks at him now in annoyance, shaking his head like he’s trying to dispel Neymar’s words. “Jesus Christ, Ney,” he hollers as he stands up, making Neymar flinch. “I don’t want to have this conversation right now. You don’t understand anything. You think there’s one reason why we are the way we are, but you’re wrong. There’s a million different things coming into play here, and the fact that you haven’t figured it out yet just proves to me that you’re not mature enough to hear it yet.”

The room goes silent after Leo’s outburst. Neymar stares fixedly at the floor in front of him as tears roll down his face. He can’t believe Leo just said that. He can’t believe that all of his fears are coming true. He hoped and prayed for the day when everything about the great Lionel Messi would finally make sense to him, but Leo was right, he’s obviously not prepared to hear it. The tears come flowing out faster now, and he can’t seem to keep his mouth shut long enough to muffle his sobs. He buries his face back into his hands. 

“Wait no Ney, that’s n- that’s not what I meant. I…” Leo says softer now, kneeling down to his position before. “I didn’t mean it like that- fuck I- you don’t understand-”

“Clearly,” Neymar screeches out.

“No, Ney, I mean… I haven’t told you yet, I’ve been waiting for the perfect opportunity. I… this isn’t your fault, it’s mine. Please, I just need to explain.”

“No, I don’t want to hear you’re excuses. What’s done is done. Just leave please. Let me be alone.” Neymar looks up at him pleadingly with his request. He doesn’t know how long he can stand having Leo in his room before he has another panic attack. He’s nearing another any second and he doesn’t want Leo to see if it reaches that point again. “Leo, please.”

“Ney…”

“Please.”

Neymar can’t tell if it’s the sound of the door closing or the sound of his heart-breaking that causes him cry out in pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter shouldn't be too long away now, but I will make no promises.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I know some of you are worried that Leo just left a grieving Neymar alone in his room, and although that is not the case, that isn't explained in this chapter. I also want to point out that this might not be what you guys expected. Anyway, I thank you all for your kind words and for taking the time to read this. I hope you enjoy.

The next morning brings soreness to Neymar’s body. His head hurts, his eyes hurt, and his heart hurts, but that’s nothing new. A quick glance at the clock on his bedside, though, verifies that it’s barely morning at all. The blaring red pixels inform him that it’s just past 5 o’ clock, meaning that he got less than 5 hours of sleep after he finished crying his heart out. He isn’t sure what happened to Leo, if he left or if he stayed, but he does know that he never tried to get back in the room. 

Neymar finds this as troubling as he does relieving.

So when Neymar opens his door to go downstairs and get a glass of water, he’s surprised to find a sleeping Lionel Messi falling onto his feet. The older man wakes up immediately when the door he’s laying against opens. Upon seeing Neymar standing over him, Leo hastily shoots up from his spot on the floor.

“Neymar, I-”

Neymar gives him a weary look, making Leo stop speaking altogether. He pushes against Leo’s chest to go past him and down the stairs. He tries to ignore the fact that Leo’s following him in just boxers and a t-shirt now since he shed his jeans sometime during the night. Instead, he continues leading Leo to the kitchen, if only for his own sanity at such an early time.

Once they reach the kitchen, Neymar grabs a glass from the cabinet. Lethargically, he moves about the room getting himself water and sitting on a stole. He gestures halfheartedly to Leo to sit on one across from him on the other side of the counter. Leo does so hurriedly, already looking at Neymar with pleading eyes.

“Neymar please, let me explain. I know I don’t deserve it, but I can’t stand knowing that you think I hate you.”

Neymar sighs, staring fixedly at the countertop. He decides that he has nothing to lose, since he’s practically already hit rock bottom. Hearing Leo’s excuses now might actually do him some good, he figures, considering how easily he usually bends to the older man’s words. “Fine, but only because I’m too weak to fight you anymore.” 

Leo looks at him pitifully now, countering, “No Ney, you’re not weak. Although you’ve been doing some questionably weak things, the fact you were able to admit them to me proves that you are one of the strongest people I know. 

And I know you don’t want my help, but I’m your friend first. I’ll always be your friend no matter what I do to make you think the wiser. So as your friend, I’m going to tell you that hurting yourself is never the answer. No matter how dark everything looks, you still have people who love you unconditionally. People who will do anything to help you. In time I hope you’ll see that.” Neymar looks away when he says this, but he doesn’t stop him from speaking any longer.

Leo gulps and then continues, “Now, you say I’ve been more distant with you, and that I’ve been hanging out with Luis a lot. Well, it’s true. I have been spending most of my time with Luis recently. And that’s on me. Us not hanging out as much as we use to, that’s purposely my fault.” Leo stands abruptly and walks over to place his hands on the edge of the table, his back to Neymar now. Neymar sees him swaying slightly like he’s restless, and he notices Leo’s hands turn a lighter shade of white where he’s gripping the table.

“Why, Leo?” Neymar asks softly. 

“Do you know-” Leo grits out, “Do you know what it’s like for me to be in love with another man? To be in love with a teammate no less?”

And there it is. There’s the reason why Leo has been hanging out with Luis so much. In a way, Neymar convinces himself that he should have known, should have noticed that the two were growing closer for that reason. He guesses that it was his own ignorance that led him to believe that it was himself that was driving Leo away, not another force pulling him. Although it’s heart-breaking for Neymar to hear, he’s glad he can finally make sense of the situation.

Leo continues, “I’m not strong like you, Ney. I don’t know how to… to be confident in my sexuality, and how to be honest with myself about what I want.”

Neymar doesn’t rebuke him when Leo calls him strong again, because it’s obvious between the two of them that what he has done today hasn’t been the act of a mentally stable person, but Leo is right when he says that Neymar is confident about his sexuality. Neymar has never denied to his teammates that he prefers men over women. He also can’t deny the part about being honest about what he wants, but he wouldn’t say that’s always a good trait. 

He’s trying to think of something encouraging to say. Something about him having to deal with the same thing because of his love for Leo, which he embarrassingly enough admitted last night. Something that will make Leo see that it’s okay to love another man, and that it’s okay that he’s turning Neymar down, but Leo continues.

“Do you know what it’s like for me to be in love with a man four years younger than me that doesn’t have a clue how special he truly is?”

“What?” Neymar breathes out, astonishment clouding all other feelings. His mind races as he tries to think of who Leo’s talking about. Rafinha’s too young, but the two Marc’s are a possibility. He’s about to start recalling Leo’s Argentinian teammates when the man himself comes to stand in front him, grabbing the sides of his face.

With a tired expression, he explains, “God, I’ve been waiting to tell you this since last year and I should’ve. I should’ve told you how much I love you. I haven’t been hanging out with you recently because Luis has been helping me understand these feelings. I knew that there was something between us after we won the treble, but I wasn’t sure what it was, and since you know how good I am with my feelings, I obviously tried to ignore it and continue on with my life.”

Leo takes Neymar’s hands in his and stares at them for a second before he looks up at Neymar’s eyes. With his own pleading ones, Leo continues, “But, I couldn’t. I couldn’t stand to see you or talk to you- or even just be near you every day at practice without- without doing something about it! I’m so pathetic, I know. I’m weak. I should have just told you. If I had told you, we wouldn’t be here. You wouldn’t be second guessing yourself about everything. All I did was think about myself, think about what would happened to me. I was so caught up with myself that I forgot to worry about what it was doing to you. So now I’m here, standing in your kitchen, begging you to believe me. Begging you to see that none of this is your fault. Because Neymar, you’re so beautiful, you’re so much better than me, and I hate to see you do this to yourself.”

They stay there in silence for a moment while Neymar tries to get his thoughts together. He considers everything Leo just said. He thinks about everything that’s happened between them since the treble, but he can’t wrap his brain around the idea that everything he’s ever wanted could possibly be happening. He begins to shake his head slowly, tears springing to his eyes for some reason, saying, “No, no, I don’t believe you.”

Leo interrupts him immediately. “It’s true Ney, I lo-”

“No, stop saying that. You don’t love me. Stop lying!” Neymar exclaims desperately, pushing Leo’s hands away and standing to face away from Leo as the tears start flowing now. “Don’t just lie to me in an attempt to make me feel better. I’m not that gullible.”

“Neymar, I’m sick of lying to you, and I refuse to lie to you any longer. I’ve done that for too long. So don’t you dare try to tell me that I don’t love you, when I’m sure now that I love you more than anything.” 

Leo voices sounds defiant and strong whereas Neymar’s voice sounds childish and weak. Neymar continues anyway, refusing to let Leo get himself into something he doesn’t want to be a part of. “Leo stop, you don’t love me. You’re only saying that because you think it’s what I need to hear, but I can assure those words will do me more harm than good.”

“But Neymar I do. I do love you.”

“No.”

“Yes I do.”

“Leo, stop-”

“Neymar, it’s true-”

“Prove it,” Neymar whispers unthinkingly.

“What?”

“Prove it,” Neymar says firmly, turning to face Leo head on now with his own defiant expression and thinking this will shut him up. “You claim you love so much, so then prove it. Prove to me that you lo-”

Before Neymar can finish, Leo quickly closes the distance between them to pull Neymar into a breathtaking kiss. Leo’s hands find purchase on Neymar’s waist, pulling the younger boy towards him. Neymar stops him by pushing at his shoulders. He looks at Leo’s eyes trying to find disgust or resentment in them, but he cannot. 

Leo’s arms move up and down Neymar’s back, not letting him move away like he’s feels the younger one urging to do. “Ney, you know I’m not good with words, and I know I’ve caused you so much pain that you don’t deserve to feel, but I can do this. I can make you feel good. I can make you feel the love that you deserve.”

Leo leans forward again to rekindle their kiss. Neymar hesitates in putting his hands on Leo, but, when the Argentine sucks in his bottom lip, his arms wrap around Leo’s neck impulsively. Before Neymar can think to do anything, Leo begins pressing him backwards into a wall, then into the banister, and then back up the stairs. 

Somehow they reach Neymar’s room. At this point Leo has shed both of their shirts. His hands are trailing up and down Neymar’s skin now, so lovingly, so fleeting, that Neymar is covered in goosebumps. His breath comes out with tiny whimpers, and he jolts forward whenever Leo ghosts over his nipples. Neymar’s hands grip Leo’s hair harshly because he’s too stunned to do anything else. They’re moving so quickly. He doesn’t have any time to think about what’s happening. His body reacts reflexively to Leo, but his mind still races with too many harboring thoughts. 

Leo must notice. He must feel that Neymar’s not totally present with him, for he stops sucking Neymar’s lips and pressing his hands against him so harshly and starts lightly pecking his lips and rubbing him all over. It’s only when Leo starts shushing him that Neymar realizes he’s crying. 

“Shh Ney, it’s okay. I’m right here,” Leo murmurs against his lips as he brushes Neymar’s tears away. “Take your time, and just calm down.”

Neymar nods his head, taking Leo’s advice by breathing shaky breaths in and out. Then a smile appears on his face as he laughs hysterically. He looks up to see Leo looking at him concerned. “It’s just,” Neymar says between laughs. “It’s just so like me to be such an emotional wreck. I’m standing here, completely turned on by the guy I’ve been in love with for over a year now, and the only thing that’s keep us from fucking is my stupid, god damn emotions.” At this statement Neymar burst out laughing, shoving his face into Leo’s shoulders as his tears keep falling. “Can’t you see the humor in this?”

He feels Leo shaking his head. When he moves back to face him head on, Leo is smiling at him fondly. He leans forward to press their foreheads together and stares into his eyes saying, “What am I ever going to do about you?”

“I don’t know. Kiss me maybe so I shut up.”

Leo smiles again. “Ironically, I was thinking something just along those lines.”

Leo presses his lips back against Neymar’s, taking it much slower than he did before. He kisses Neymar tenderly, embracing every touch of his plump lips. His fingers press against Neymar’s spine as he pulls them closer together. Neymar relaxes when he realizes that Leo is just as turned on by this as he is. He pushes his hips forward harder and wraps his arms around Leo’s neck. Their erections move against each other in the most delicious way, and Neymar moans at the friction.

Then, Leo stops. He pulls back from Neymar with a conflicted face. He reaches his hands up to cradle Neymar’s cheeks and whispers with an insistent shake of his head, “Ney, we don’t have to do this. We’re both a little emotional right now, and I don’t want you to do something you’ll regret.”

“I thought you said you loved me?” Neymar questions with doe eyes.

“I do, I do love you. I love you so much, which is why I don’t want to rush this. You deserve more. You deserve better. You deserve candles and flowers and your favorite slow songs playing in the background. You deserve to be properly taken out on a date and shown off for the world to see so that people can be jealous that you’re taken.”

“I don’t need that stuff. I just need you. I just need you to show me you love me like this.”

“There are other ways for me to show you I love.”

“But I need this right now. I just need- I just need you,” Neymar repeats with insistency, pulling at the back of Leo’s neck with a firm grip.

Leo lets Neymar pull him in, and then Leo pushes him back toward the bed slowly. When they reached it, Neymar falls back onto it and moves back to lay in the center. Leo moves all the covers off to the ground and then waits for Neymar to situate himself and to pull down his boxers. 

Neymar looks up to see Leo staring down at his crotch intently, but Leo isn’t staring at his cock, but rather at the cuts on the upper part of the inside of his thighs- the only place Neymar thought would keep his shame hidden to the outside world. Subconsciously, he pushes his legs together to hide them, but Leo reaches out to grab his knees and spread them apart. 

Neymar looks away from Leo, crying new tears as Leo gets on the bed to get a closer look. Neymar bites the inside of his mouth to keep from making any noises, but when Leo bends down to nose and kiss at his cuts, he can’t help but whimper pathetically. Leo sits up and grabs his chin to turn his head towards him. Neymar closes his eyes like a child, refusing to face his own stupidity.

“Neymar look at me,” Leo demands quietly. When Neymar continues to ignore him, Leo leans his head forward to press their foreheads together and whispers, “Neymar please, let me see your beautiful eyes.”

Reluctantly, Neymar opens his red rimmed hues.

With a shaky voice, Leo says, “Ney, you are so beautiful, and you are so loved. Not just by me, but by everyone who knows you. I know it’s hard to see sometimes, but they do, they love you so much. Every one of their lives are made better when you become a part of it. You might not see it now, but you will in time, and I will be here every single step of the way to make sure you feel loved.” 

Neymar’s eyes shut again as Leo speaks, and he feels Leo’s hands grip his face harder as he continues. “It pains me to think that you could ever possibly- possibly think so little of yourself when honestly you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. You’re such a spectacular light to everyone around you, and we are all so lucky for getting the chance to know you, especially me, Ney. God, especially me.”

Leo has succumb to tears now, still gripping Neymar’s head between his hands. Neymar can feel a few spare tears drop onto his face and mix with his own, and he can’t help but feel a flash of anger pass through him. Because Leo’s not supposed to be crying because of him right now. Leo’s not supposed to be hurt by his actions or even be concerned with them. Although Neymar’s actions were somewhat of a cry for help, he never actually expected to get help at some point. But now that he has, he can only be angry at himself for letting Leo be affected by his own stupid mistakes.

“Neymar, hey, shh it’s okay. What’s wrong? What did I say wrong?” Leo asks him urgently now. It’s only then that Neymar realizes he shaking and his breath is coming out harshly.

“Nothing. It’s nothing, Leo, just come on,” Neymar reasons, doing his best to make his voice sound calm. When Leo looks at him like he’s about to say something else, Neymar quickly wipes his tears off his own face and then subsequently buries it in Leo’s neck. “Come on, Leo, fuck me.”

Neymar can feel Leo shiver as he sucks at his throat. They move faster now, ripping the rest of Leo’s clothes off without a second thought or another word. Leo’s body is everything Neymar remembers seeing while changing in the locker room, well defined and small, although his cock swings low and is anything but the latter. It doesn't seem proportioned to the rest of his body, but Neymar doesn’t mention that. 

Eventually, Leo pulls away. Neymar whines at his movement, but upon Leo’s questioning eyes he realizes he’s silently asking him for the whereabouts of his lube. 

“Oh, it’s, um, it’s in the drawer. Condoms, too,” Neymar supplies, pointing at his night stand. When Leo moves off him to grab the items, Neymar takes this opportunity to turn over on his stomach. He had been aching to make this move since they started. He doesn’t like the fact that he can no longer watch Leo, but it is a sacrifice he has to make to calm his own anxiety of Leo watching him. He doesn’t wish to see Leo show him any more pity for the rest of the night, and the sight of his wet eyes and his own scarred thighs would do just that. 

He hears Leo closing the drawer beside him as he raises himself up on his knees. He hears Leo suck in a breath, but he isn’t sure if it’s because Leo’s surprised or excited to see him in this position. Leo hesitates a beat longer before he climbs back onto the bed. 

The first thing he does before lubing up his finger is bend over Neymar to whisper in his ear. “Tell me if it hurts, okay?”

Neymar silently nods to this request, but upon Leo’s further hesitation, he says, “Yes, I will, just c’mon.”

Finally, Neymar hears the Argentine click open the lube. He feels Leo’s fingers brush against his entrance a few times. Leo’s other hand caress along his back, trying to relax Neymar before he pushes one in. Neymar hisses with relief at the feeling, and he pushes back against it to get more. Leo begins to move the finger in and out slowly as his other hand moves down to caress the younger’s thigh. 

It’s only a second later when Neymar tells Leo to put another finger in. “Hurry up, Leo.” Neymar hears a sigh escape Leo, and then a second later he feels another finger breach him. The stretch is probably too much too quick, but Neymar welcomes it with a shaky moan. He pushes back on the fingers and encourages Leo to go faster. 

“I’m good,” Neymar insists just seconds into Leo introducing the second finger. The stretch isn’t enough anymore for him. He can feel the burn fading already, and yet Leo doesn’t listen to him. At Leo’s hesitance Neymar groans out, “C’mon Leo, give it to me. You know I can withstand a little pain.”

Leo slowly stops moving his fingers inside of Neymar. He pulls them out altogether after a moment despite Neymar’s protest. “Ney,” he begins. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” Neymar reluctantly asks.

“Don’t ask me to hurt you,”

Neymar scoffs nervously, “I’m not- I’m not asking you to hurt me. I-I like the stretch.”

“Don’t lie to me. I can feel how stretched you are. You’re not ready.”

“Leo-”

“Don’t.”

Leo’s voice carries a finality to it. Neymar closes his mouth and doesn’t speak again until Leo tries to add his pinky to the mix of three fingers. This time Neymar turns his head to the side to catch Leo’s eyes, which look both determined and troubled, and says softly, “I’m good, I promise. Please, Leo”

This time Leo’s listens. After pressing his fingers insistently at Neymar’s prostate a few more times to make the latter moan and whimper, he pulls his fingers out. Silently, he reaches for the condom. He tears it open and rolls it down his cock without a word. He lubes himself up and stretches his other hand out to grip Neymar’s thighs. The tips of his fingers brushes against the scars on Neymar’s thighs making them both flinch involuntarily. Leo continues to rub his fingers against Neymar’s skin to soothe the younger one.

“Ney, turn over.”

Leo’s command comes out softly, but the message is stern. His tone sends shivers running down Neymar’s spine, as well as makes his muscles tense. “Why?” He asks in desperation.

“Because I want to see your face.”

“No.”

“Ney-”

“No! Leo please, I’ve let you do so much tonight, stuff that I’d thought you’d never do. Stuff I’d thought I would never let anyone do again. Just let me have this- this- this safety, this comfort.”

“I can’t, Ney. That wouldn’t be right. Don’t you understand? You can’t hide from me anymore. I’ve seen you for who you really are, and I’m not going anywhere. Now please, turn over. I just want to take care of you the best way that I can.”

It takes a bit longer of Leo’s sweet words to convince Neymar to turn over. When he does, Leo doesn’t waste any time covering Neymar’s body with his own. He worships the boy’s body with kisses and touches until Neymar is quivering from his head to his toes. He guides his cock into him slowly, so slowly that it takes a few extra minutes to be sheathed inside of the Brazilian completely. Leo stays there then for a few more minutes until it becomes unbearable for them. He resumes his kisses to Neymar’s face and stops every once in a while to check Neymar’s eyes to make sure he’s not hurting him. Neymar finds this to be too much to bear every time, but he doesn’t turn away from Leo. He can’t stand to look away from the beautiful man who’s being so loving to him. 

Leo uses his thrust to implement his message to Neymar that he does matter, that he is loved. He brings Neymar to tears again with his silent words, and, when Leo’s fingers glide over the scars on Neymar’s thighs so carefully, and he kisses his forehead again, Neymar comes harder than he ever has before. The action rips sounds out of his mouth that he never knew he could make. Leo thankfully covers his mouth with his own to stop them, sucking his lips sweetly. 

Neymar doesn’t know when Leo comes- if he comes. All he knows when he finally comes back to reality is that Leo isn’t inside him anymore or even on the bed. Before Neymar has time to panic, Leo reappears from the bathroom carrying a towel, tissues, and a glass of water. He sets all the items down on the bedside table, not realizing that Neymar has come out of his euphoric haze yet. 

Neymar glances down at the Argentine to see that, thankfully, Leo isn’t hard anymore. He watches the older boy walk away again to reach into the linen closet and grab a few blankets. This time when Leo returns to the bed he sees Neymar’s eyes open and he smiles at him. Neymar weakly smiles back and reaches his hand out to him. Leo takes it happily and gives it a squeeze. Neymar tries to pull him back into bed with him but Leo relents. 

“Hold on. Let me clean you up.” After using the towel to clean the come off Neymar’s torso and setting Neymar up to lean against the headboard, Leo goes about taking the soiled sheets off of the bed as he puts a different one down and pulls Neymar down to lay on it. Then he finally jumps in with Neymar and covers them quickly with the blanket. They both turn to face each other, lining their noses up. It makes Neymar heart soar at how easily they fit together, but he doesn’t say anything about this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I'm a total sucker for phrases like "Prove it" and "Make me")  
> I should probably point out that this is the last chapter that I have written in full. I'm starting to write the rest now, and I know exactly what I want to write next, but it might take me a while. Please don't fret though, because due to my lax schedule it won't be too long.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so this is like 3 months too late I know but like I started writing this when I was in a bad place, and for the past few months I've been in relatively a good place.  
> The first draft of this chapter was much lighter, and I knew that that wasn't how it was supposed to go. I don't want to say that I waited until I was in a bad place again to write this, but that's practically what happened.

Neymar isn’t surprised when he wakes up alone a few hours later.

He is surprised, though, to find a note laying on the bed beside him that explains where Leo is. Scribbled across the manila surface is a short description about how Leo is making breakfast downstairs, and Neymar is to come down when he’s ready. 

The Brazilian lets out a long breath and flops back down on the bed. He starts thinking about everything that happened yesterday. A million questions pop up in his head as he thinks through the events, leaving him anxious and upset. He decides that a quick shower will be best for him in this situation since his recent alternatives to calm himself down seem foolish now, or at least foolish to consider when Leo is right downstairs, seemingly willing to explain everything.

Feeling refreshed and comfortable after showering and dressing in a white Nike tee with black sweatpants, Neymar walks downstairs. He hears voices in the living room, so he goes to enter, but once he realizes that voices are talking about him, he stops to peer inside the room.

Luis is pacing in front of the couch Leo is sitting on. Leo looks pleasantly relaxed, handsome in his own way while wearing a simple t-shirt and sweatpants from Neymar’s own closet. His hair is slightly ruffled, and he has a glow about him that Neymar has never seen before.

Luis on the other hand is anything but calm. “Geez Leo,” Luis lets out in an exasperated voice. “Do you really think you solved everything because you slept with him? His problems go much deeper than just the two of you! He needs help!”

“I know,” Leo answers coolly. “And I’m going to make sure that he gets it.”

“Just like you made sure nothing happened last night? I can’t believe you listened to him and left him alone. Alone, in his room that conjoins with a bathroom where his razors are that he uses to harm himself. You’re so lucky that he was too busy crying - because of you! - that he didn’t have the energy to do it. Do you see how fucked up that sounds?”

Leo’s eyes light up with anger now. “Are you serious?” Leo asks, rising to his feet to stand in front of Luis head on. “Do you really think that I would do that? That I would leave him alone while he’s like that? Of course I wouldn’t! I stayed up all night with my ear pressed to the door, listening to… to him cry his heart out because I’m the stupid idiot that… that hurt him like that.” Leo stops talking for a second and looks away from Luis and says with a tight voice, “And I couldn’t do anything about it because I knew it wouldn’t do him any good to push myself on him. As much as it broke my heart to know that I was the one making him cry, I knew that neither of us where in the right state of mind for me to dump this all on him.” 

Leo then looks up at Luis with a defiant look in his eye. “But don’t you dare suggest that I would be stupid enough to think it would be okay to leave him like that. I made sure that he didn’t do anything. If I would have heard him even get up from his bed, I would have burst right through that door.”

“Okay Leo, I’m sorry I said that. But you have to admit that this isn’t exactly the smartest thing you’ve ever done.”

“You were the one that said to tell him how I feel! You’ve been telling me this for weeks!” Leo exclaims, looking at Luis with a confused face.

“But not when he’s like this!” Luis counters.

“Like what?”

“Vulnerable.”

“So what?” Leo scoffs. “Why does it matter if he’s not feeling his most secure when I tell him?”

“Because he’s even more susceptible to you than he already usually is, Leo. In reality, he might not even feel as strongly about you as you do about him. He might not have wanted you to kiss him, let alone sleep with him. He wasn’t in the right mindset last night, and you doing what you did to him might seem a little like you took advantage of him,” Luis says softly now, speaking to Leo like he would a child.

“Are you saying that I- God- that I…” Leo’s face goes completely ashen. His speech is consumed by gulps and muffled by the hand over his mouth. He takes a step back from Luis, looking at, but not really seeing, the floor. Another step has Leo falling onto the couch.

Luis goes to kneel in front of Leo, shaking his head insistently. “That’s not what I’m trying to say, Leo, that’s not what you did. Neymar had a choice in this too and you made sure that he understood that choice. All I’m saying is that his decision to make that choice was clouded by his vulnerability at the time. Look, I just want what’s best for the both of you, but right now we need to take care of Neymar, and I think it’d be best if you leave so when I talk to him he won’t feel pressured to say what he thinks you want to hear.”

Leo looks around the room torn with his decision. He opens his mouth a few times to say something, but nothing comes out. Subconsciously, he begins to rub the spot on his neck where Neymar marked him last night. After a minute or so, Leo sighs and looks down, saying, “Yeah okay, maybe you’re right.”

Neymar whimpers involuntarily, causing the other two strikers to acknowledge his presence for the first time that morning. Neymar wipes at his eyes quickly and looks away from them. He doesn’t know why he’s become so emotional all of the sudden, but the thought of Leo leaving stabs at his heart. He tries to gather himself before Leo or Luis say something about it, but Leo is already striding towards him with outstretched hands.

Leo envelops Neymar in a hug as Neymar gasps out, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get so emotional, I just didn’t like the thought of you leaving, I guess. I’m just sorry…”

“Hey, there’s no reason to apologize,” Leo whispers to him. “I’m the one that should apologize for making you hear us fight like that.” Leo throws a stern look over at Luis before murmuring to Neymar, “I’m not going to leave you, though. If you want me to stay, then I’m going to be right here.”

“But Luis just said-” Neymar starts.

“Luis is just trying to do what he thinks is best for you, which is what we both want. I told you last night that there are other people who love you too, and he’s one of them. He and I are here to take care of you.” 

The room falls silent as the older two wait for Neymar to accept Leo’s words. Finally, Neymar nods at them before shoving his head against Leo’s neck, prompting Luis to ask tentatively, “How about we start with breakfast?”

Neymar silently nods his head again against Leo’s neck. Leo relays the message to Luis who immediately walks over to the kitchen and starts making them all breakfast. Leo then guides Neymar to sit with him on one of the couches. 

They sit in silence for a few minutes with Leo murmuring encouraging words to Neymar. After doing some thinking, Neymar sits up and admits, “I don’t mean to be a bother to either of you, and I’m sorry I caused a scene. I just- the thought of you leaving… it sparked something within me, and I acted impulsively. But if you want to leave, you should. I don’t want you to feel like you have to be here or anything. I’m going to go tell Luis that, too.”

Neymar stands to leave, but Leo quickly pulls him back into his arms. “Ney, how many times do I have to tell you that you’re not a bother to us? Luis and I want to help you.”

“I just can’t help but feel like I’m bothering you guys. You both probably have other important stuff to attend to, and I don’t want to get in the way of that,” Neymar admits.

Leo is quick to reassure him though, “Neymar, you are the most important thing to me and Luis right now. We’re here to take care of you. Now stop worrying about everything and let us.”

“Okay,” Neymar replies simply. He lays his head back down on Leo’s shoulder, allowing the older one to run his hands through his hair. 

They sit there quietly until Luis calls them into the kitchen. Neymar can’t help but notice Luis’ eyes darting down to his hand which is intertwined with Leo’s. It crosses Neymar’s mind that maybe a small part of Luis is upset about Leo and him being together because that will mean he will be the one left out of their group. 

Knowing how this feels and fearing that the same emotion is accompanying his friend, Neymar lets go of Leo’s hand and walks over to Luis and wraps his arms around his neck. He’s stands high on his tiptoes to whisper in Luis’ ear, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you how I felt.” At this confession, Luis reaches down and wraps his arms around Neymar’s waist with the same insistent intensity. 

“No Ney, I’m sorry. I should have known that something was wrong. I never meant to take Leo away from you. As your friend, I should have done more to include you in things, and I should have realized you were feeling left out. It’s my fault for not helping you then, but I promise to be better in the future. I promise that I won’t ever let you feel like this again.”

“I promise not to let you feel like that either.”

Neymar hears Luis scoff quietly against his neck before saying, “You don’t need to worry about that. I understand that what you and Leo have is special, and I don’t ever want to get in the way of that again. Plus, you won’t believe how annoying it is to hear him whine about how good you look all the time and about how much he wants you. He’s like a teenage girl, I swear.”

“Hey,” Leo protests to the sound of Neymar and Luis’ giggles. 

And just like that, Neymar thinks, the atmosphere in the room takes a positive turn. Now they’re just Leo, Luis and Neymar, three of the world’s best strikers who triple as best friends. Luis serves them all four pancakes each. They joke around throughout the meal. Luis and Neymar make many comments about Leo’s ‘diet’ he’s supposed to be on. In retaliation, Leo makes fun of the amount of hair products he found in Neymar’s bathroom before he criticizes Luis’ lack of cooking skills. When he finishes, they all look at each other once before they burst out laughing.

Sometime later, Leo clears their plates, and the room retakes its somber feel. Luis suggest that they move back into the living room. This time Leo sits beside Neymar holding his hand and Luis sits on his other side with a leg on the couch facing him directly. Neymar sighs quietly, waiting for the two of them to start in on how bad his behavior has been. He knows that they have to talk about it, but he just wishes that he could live a little while longer happily in Leo’s arms before Leo knows all of his dark truths. 

“So, uh, can you tell us what set you off yesterday? What caused your, uh, panic attack?” Leo asks tentatively, squeezing Neymar’s hand.

Neymar hesitates for a moment. He takes his time to lean back into the cushions of the couch and take a quick look around the room. “That’s kind of a loaded answer,” he ends up saying. 

“We have time,” Luis responds quickly. 

“Yeah, we’re not leaving anytime soon,” Leo adds.

“Okay,” Neymar says simply. He tries to get his thoughts in order to answer them in the nicest way that he can when he decides that he can’t. He has to tell them the truth.

“So the simple reason that I lost control is that I was upset that Luis took my goal. With no explanation, I understand that it sounds really stupid, but since I was already so bent out of shape about you guys being so close, and because I thought you guys were leaving me behind, it really got to me. I just kept thinking about all the hard work I had put in to convince Leo to try the trick in the first place. And then to practice it for so long together only for Luis to come in and steal the glory without even working on it before was irritating.”

Neymar drops Leo’s hands and scrubs at his face before he continues. “But mostly I was mad at Leo, because Luis, well, you didn’t know what was going on and I couldn’t be mad at you for making my plan work. Anyone in their right mind would have taken the shot, so I didn’t blame you.” Neymar then turns to Leo. “But it seemed like you didn’t even care. You didn’t say anything about it to me. It’s not like I wanted you to apologize or anything, but you didn’t even acknowledge the hard work I put in that went to waste. That on top of the fact that I thought that you didn’t like me anymore as a friend was enough to push me over. I understand now why you were the way you were, but at the time it was all I had to go on.”

Luis was the first to apologize. “I’m sorry, Ney. I should’ve known that that pass was for you. I can’t apologize for taking the shot, but I shouldn’t have run after it like I did.”

“It’s okay, Luis,” Neymar responds, turning slightly to flash him a smile and squeeze his hand. “I understand, but I appreciate the apology.”

“I’m sorry, too, Ney,” Leo says quietly. The two black haired strikers turn to look at him. “I should’ve said something to you after the game, but honestly I was too ashamed to. It’s just you’re always so forgiving and happy. I knew that if I would have said anything, you just would’ve brushed it off and said how happy you were that it worked. And I didn’t want to hear that, because to be honest I was a little upset that Luis had taken it from you. Working on that penalty shot for the past few weeks has been one of the only times I let myself hang out with you the way I’ve wanted to, and to see that time all go to waste was annoying to me, too.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really. I even fantasized about how we would celebrate afterwards. Embarrassing I know, but this meant a lot to me too, and I didn’t know how to face you afterwards,” Leo admitted with a prominent blush. 

“Awe,” Luis voices despite Leo’s glare. Neymar just smiles at the smaller one and leans forward to capture his lips with his own. 

When they break apart though, Luis ruins the moment by asking, “But what about the other times?”

Neymar sighs and resumes laying back in his old position. “Well, there’s many reason for those.” Leo and Luis wait patiently as Neymar continues. “It started getting really bad about three months ago. I already hadn’t been feeling well for a while, but three months ago is when the intense feeling of being alone and, uh, worthless set in. I had a big fight with my dad the week before, and my sister and mom took his side so I didn’t have anyone to turn to. Anything during that time could get me down, and it wasn’t helpful that I pretended that everything was okay during practice and games around you guys. I started taking the sleeping pills then and the panic attacks soon followed. 

“At first, I just suffered through them because I didn’t know what else to do. I tried a few things they said online, but nothing helped. Then one day when I was home alone, I gripped my thigh so tightly amidst my attack that I drew blood. The pain it… it brought me back to reality. My panic attack stopped almost immediately, and it was just such a relief that next time when it happened I did the same thing. But it wasn’t enough. My nails… they weren’t long enough, and it took a great bit of effort to do it. So when my dad called me to complain about how I was playing, and when you two went to that dinner together, I started using razors. 

“I felt even more alone after that, because in my heart I knew what I was doing wasn’t right, but I used logic to convince myself that it was okay. If it stopped my panic attacks and no one would know about it, why not do it, right?” 

Neymar pauses a second to calm himself. He glances over at Leo to see his blaringly white hand fisted at his mouth. Leo is staring straight at the wall across from them with a pair of hard set eyes. “Hey,” Neymar lets out, trying to catch Leo’s attention. Leo blinks a few times before he turns to stare at Neymar’s forehead, his lips, Luis, anywhere but his eyes. “It’s not your fault. It’s not anyone’s fault but mine, okay? I didn’t let anyone know what was going on. I didn’t want to worry them.”

“But I should’ve known. I should’ve said something-”

“But I was embarrassed by my actions, so I kept them a secret.”

“I still should’ve known! I’m your friend. I was supposed to take care of you, and I failed. I let this happened. I failed you,” Leo says distractedly, standing up to face away from the other two. 

Neymar feels his face crumble at his declaration, because he knows that he’s the one making Leo feel like this. He’s the one that set Leo up to fail him by not letting him help. All this time, Neymar’s only worried about how harming himself would affect him, not anybody else. He feared the day that someone would find out, but that was more because he was scared of what they would think of him rather than how they would feel responsible. The thought of disappointing everyone made him keep it secret, and now, after Leo’s reactions, he has mixed thoughts about whether or not it was the right thing to do.

Leo stares away from Neymar, refusing to face him. This only aids in making Neymar feel worse. “Leo… no… it’s not… you,” Neymar says between hiccups. He feels himself succumbing to his panic. He loses control quickly despite his desperate attempts to stay present. “Luis…” he wheezes out as the man kneels in front of him and fills his vision. 

“Ney, listen to me. I want you to focus on your breathing. Breathe in with me. Now raise your hands over your head. Keep your eyes on me, and breathe out. Remember it’ll be over soon. Breathe in again. And out.”

Neymar does his best to listen to Luis. When he fails to hear him, Luis guides him to lower or raise his arms again. True to Luis’ word, it’s over very quickly. Neymar feels relieved that it’s over, but Leo’s lack of presence in the room sets him on edge again. 

“Hey, look at me,” Luis says firmly. Reluctantly, Neymar looks back at Luis to find him smiling slightly. Neymar returns the smile grimly, taking Luis’ outstretched hands. “You did good there, okay? Sometimes just staying focused and following directions makes the panic attacks shorter. I, um, looked up some stuff up last night, and that’s-”

“You looked stuff up for me?” Neymar asks suddenly with sparkling eyes.

Luis looks up at him with a half-smile. “Yes, of course I did. Neymar, you- you’re so important to me. And although I don’t know much about this stuff, I can know it. I want to know it, if it helps you. But you can’t just get help from me. I think that the best thing for you is to get professional help. It doesn’t have to public or anything, not many people have to know, but I think we should enlist the clubs help to find the people right for you. You deserve the best, and I think they can find that for you.”

Neymar takes a moment to consider Luis’ thoughts seriously. Slowly, he begins to nod his head. They share a small smile again before Neymar reaches forward to pull Luis into him. Against his will, Neymar begins to cry silently, and he tightens his hold on Luis. 

When he pulls away, Luis says, “We’re gonna get through this together, okay? You’re not alone anymore.”

“Okay,” Neymar croaks out shyly.

“Hold on, let me get you water.” Luis stands swiftly and walks to the kitchen. He returns with a water bottle, which he hands to Neymar. Neymar takes it graciously and chugs half of it. His eyes filter across the room again in search of Leo, but he hasn’t returned. They return to Luis with a question left unsaid between them. Luis looks around too, and then he asks, “Do you mind if I go look for Leo? I don’t want it to seem like I’m leaving you for him, but he’s hurting, too, and I just want both of you to be happy.”

“No, that’s fine. I think I need a moment to compose myself anyway,” Neymar answers. Luis hesitates a moment longer. “Seriously, go. I got it covered here for now. It just took me by surprise again.”

Luis nods in understanding. He leans forward quickly to place a kiss to Neymar’s forehead. 

Just as he’s leaving though, Neymar says, “Wait.” Luis holds at the entryway, looking at him earnestly. “Just make him understand it’s not his fault. He’s blaming himself and… it’s not what I want. Make him understand I don’t need his apologies. I just- I just need him.” Luis nods his head once and leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it. I hope I can update soon. Feedback is always welcomed.

**Author's Note:**

> Next chapter should be up by the next two weeks.


End file.
